Whenever the conversation relating to; where the best sex is or has been had, you’ll find that a lot of those responses orbit around the precariousness of sex and the fear of getting caught in the act. In my case, I’d say pounding one out in the teacher-only bathroom, during a lunch break is up there with my Mount Rushmore of sex yarns. And just like mine, I’d imagine everyone has theirs as well, some of which might have happened in one means of transport or the other.

In a survey carried out in America, 59 million Americans admitted to having sex in a plane, bus, train, taxi (includes rideshare), or ferry. Some have done the deed in more than one of those forms of public transportation. And of course, this is Nigeria where customs, cultural ideals, preconceived notions—and a little something called shame— stop us from being ourselves. But we’ll agree that sex is a universally understood language. If it wasn’t, I wouldn’t be here having a friendly chat with you about—drum roll please—sex tourism.

With the holidays up ahead, the tourism ecosystem is eagerly grinning from ear to ear ready to take your money, and the sex tourism space isn’t too far behind. They stand to earn from your sexual cravings for international cuisine— If you know what I mean. This x-rated arm of tourism has been around since time immemorial, when affluent Europeans and North Americans travelled to different parts of the world in search of “exotic” sex, such as Asia and very recently, Africa.

It’s not as hard as you think; you book your ticket, get on a plane and fly to another country solely for sex. And If you’re lucky, you might not arrive at our destination before your orgasm tourism begins. Whilst ears are popping in the cabin due to the high altitudes, you could be banging one-off in a bathroom the size of Kim Kardashian’s waist.

As pleasingly sexy as lovemaking on an aircraft sounds, it doesn’t top my ‘fantasy on wheels’ collection. What does is a steamy car sex session. I know those who have tried it are probably saying ‘there’s nothing to it’ but then again, it’s my fantasy and without your permission, I’d like to walk you through it. Usually, it begins with me stuck in traffic. That type of traffic; you see people hawking gas cylinders, pepper, raw meat and you’re contemplating making stew in the car. That type of traffic jam. Because of how my mind works I’d predicted something like this would happen so my windows are tinted.

Unexpectedly and completely of her own volition, my partner takes my hand and gently places it on her inner thigh and gradually, ushers it to her genitals. Thinking about it right now is giving me goosebumps. As I sit there, mouth ajar, she proceeds to unlatch my pants and warmly welcome my erect phallus into her mouth. The comfort of her tongue around the trunk of my protuberance sends chills down my spine.

She reclines the driver’s seat and as I slowly fall into a sexual euphoria there, she is gagging and worshipping it with her mouth unapologetically. Roadside hawkers are stealing glances but neither of us could care any less. Nonchalantly, she mounts me and slides my phallus in. A sigh of pleasure rolls off her tongue but it’s cut short by my fingers hanging from her mouth.

Her moans send my mind into a tailspin while steam gradually begins to build on the windows. With her back arched and her eyes locked to mine, she begins to ride me like a carousel, with her hands gently wrapped around my neck. Her change in tempo makes it hard for me to hold on and I surrender inside her. She dismounts and licks what’s left off then returns to her seat with a cocky smile on her face giving a whole new meaning to sex tourism. Before delving into what this whole discussion is about, we have to know what role you’ll play should you choose to indulge. As a sex tourist, you are defined by your intentions— premeditated or otherwise.

Most times sex tourists don’t even know they are sex tourists. You could be on a business trip or vacation halfway across the globe and to burn off steam; you hire an escort with a happy ending on the menu. It may or may not have been your intention when you got on the plane but with time to spare, and money to blow, you decide why not? From my understanding of the subject, in every sense of the term, you’ve just participated in sex tourism; however, that doesn’t make you a sex tourist. It just means you are a tourist paying for sex. You can only “officially” be a sex tourist if prostitution happens to be legal where such sexual encounters happen.

For example, places like Amsterdam and Thailand are sex tourists destinations because prostitution is legal there. The commercialization of sex in these areas has made them the go-to countries for men seeking to water their sexual palettes while boosting their economic growth in the process.

The Gambia is an African equivalent of a sex tourist attraction. Popularly known as the ‘Sex Paradise’, women fly in—usually from western countries— in quest of chiselled ebony abs and as widely advertised the thing between their legs. These men loiter around beaches looking for foreign women to pleasure in exchange for money. And although the Gambian government is trying so hard to rinse the country clean of this stigma, they’ve found themselves in a dicey situation seen as that dated reputation is what attracts so many tourists—They say the country’s rich culture and beautiful beaches is why they get so many tourists but we all know the truth.

To ever think Nigeria will ever adopt this branch of tourism is like trying to erase Up NEPA from Nigeria’s vocabulary—It’s impossible. Nigerians however, going overseas to have sex under the guise of tourism is well within our ambit. Whether home or away, sex remains a language every race, colour or tribe will forever comprehend. And with the reputation of African men having animallike manpower and tusk-like penises preceding them, you might as well be a tourist attraction.

Tilewa Kazeem
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