Tech Pleasure

Crossing paths with a sex toy for the first time as a man can feel emasculating -maybe at first for some- you’d argue that a vein-embellished sexual stereotype wouldn’t leave you a little vain but it does. It does for a brief moment until you realise that it’s a set-up you shouldn’t fall for. I remember when my clique of friends stumbled upon a dildo. You know how for every group friendship, there’s a Steve Stifler, the one who shuffles women like a dealer at a casino, scrambling and washing them like a deck of cards. A drunken one-night-stand of our assigned womaniser had forgotten her dildo and was too embarrassed to come back for it, so it sat on the table like memorabilia. They had all seen it before I did and the wow factor had dissipated in them but it very much had me in its jaws.

Its intimidating structure painted a picture of what Bruce Banner’s penis would look like mid-transformation into the Incredible Hulk. Aggressive and belligerent it stared back at me. It looked animated like it was ready to quarrel. I tried to pump myself up but it saw right through me. Its tip looked like it was gesturing yinmu at me and it was Blaq. Not black, not ebony but Blaq with a Q behind the A. I eventually built up the courage to pick it up and it was a quick build because I could feel a roast coming for wasting time with a hint of reservations, so I wrapped my hand around what would have been its vein stripped latex torso.

The first thing that flew into my head and escaped through my mouth was ‘and later women will say size doesn’t matter’ and then the whole room reluctantly muttered ‘Abi o’ in unison like they had all shared their thoughts amicably amongst themselves. They were wary of being viewed as “less manly” and I opened the faucet of all those thoughts that have a way of sneaking up on you and it took an unsparingly veined, rubber sex toy with rotors as testicles to put a dink in that armour–some knight and shining armour — but are they wrong for
feeling that way?

It’s normal to get sucked up into that vortex of self-doubt when you compare yourself to another person or in this case, an inanimate object. Specifically, if that thing is ahead of you technologically. You’ve lost the fight before you were born. Look at sex toys like a piece of meat you’d normally slap beside a meal. They add the required calories and energy, giving you pleasure and satisfaction while enhancing the meal. But that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy chicken or beef alone. What kinda life would that be if you couldn’t enjoy turkey, especially if it’s grilled with the right BBQ sauce? I certainly don’t want that world! Dear men and women, vibrators, sex dolls and dildos aren’t here to replace you, rather they are here to further heighten the pleasure you both feel. You have more going for you than an elastic veiny kondo and also personal experience has taught me that it’s not by the size of what you are packing but by how you use it. That’s all the validation you need. All eggplants matter! That way, you wouldn’t spiral into the midst of your insecurities, sexual or otherwise.

In addition to treating erectile dysfunction, genital arousal disorder, hypoactive sexual disorder, and orgasmic disorder, sexual toys may also work to treat symptoms of various disorders. So you see, introducing a sex toy into your relationship would do you more good than harm sexually.

If you are strongly considering sex technology that will take your discreet time with your partner or alone to a 100 then, here are a few types and a guide on what goes where.


These buzzers are for genital stimulation. Massaging the clitoris, vulva and vagina with these types of toys would have her begging for more. The power of controlling a woman or a man’s pleasure is very intoxicating. When using a vibrator to stimulate men, however, points to focus on are the testicles, nipples (works for women too) and anus. Some of these pleasure machines can be inserted into the body while some are just meant to perambulate around the genitals.

O pen communication between partners is strongly advised when trying sex toys for the first time. Coming up with safewords is not a bad idea as well. Jimmyjane Iconic Bullet One Touch Vibrator is great for flying solo or cosy time with your partner (s). The Esca 2 however, on the other hand, redefines what you know as long-distance pleasure allowing partners to take control of each other ‘s orgasms from anywhere in the world.


As far as dildos are considered, there are three possible points of entry which are the mouth, vagina and anus. They come in different colours, shapes and sizes. Some vibrate and are bent, while some are curved like a Beckham freekick to help hit the G-spot or prostate. Lelo Ella Double-Sided Dildo or the Le Wand Bow Wand Metal Dildo are some great dildo choices.

Cock Rings

This sex accessory is mainly used to help have lengthier and rock hard erections by stopping blood from flowing back into the penis. Made out of silicone it sits over the shaft and sometimes around the testicles. A few of them come with an inbuilt vibrator to pleasure the woman as well. An example would be the Je Joue Mio Luxury Rechargeable Vibrating Cock Ring.


Masturbation sleeves, penis sleeves, or striker as they are also called are tubular sleeves that are soft and suit your penis perfectly. They often come in different sizes, shapes, and textures, so that you get more sensations and pleasure when wearing them. The vibration or suction option is available in some strokers. The F1s Developer’s Kit Red LELO and the AutoBlow A.I. are high tech sleeves that would spruce up your orgasms.

Suction Toys

Although relatively new to the market, they are flying from shelves to the sheets and women are absolutely loving them. They give an ultra-intense feeling of sucking with waves and vibration. One of the many suction toys called the Rose made it to the news some months after users took to social media to testify of its power, sensation and suction. Aside from the Rose, the Lelo SONA is also another

Faux-Tongue-Like Toys

Unlike suction toys, this device mimics the movement of the tongue.

Its tongue-like silicone edge acts as a tongue during cunnilingus. Capable of moving in circles and different patterns, that along with vibration can feel almost like the real deal. The Sqweel 2 Oral Sex Simulator has 10 tongues on a wheel with your name on it. But if you don’t like multiple tongues, opt for the Lelo

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