Calls After Dark

It is no secret that relationships are hard to maintain, but if you care for and cherish someone, the whole thing becomes somewhat more bearable. In situations where you would normally pull the plug, you find yourself crossing new thresholds of emotional and sexual tolerance. One of those situations would be the art of sexting.

As some of you might already know from its aggressive PR since the age of cellphones, being able to ignite a sexual connection with someone over the phone is a lifesaving skill to have in your repertoire and a very hot one a that. It’s very unlikely you’d need to survive while camping or to score a job at a Fortune 500 company but that doesn’t make it any less important.

You don’t believe me? Ask the long-distance relationship guys, they’ll tell you a story or two about how essential it is to the shelf-life of a relationship. A little bit of sexting here and there can be a great way to mix things up, whether you’re just beginning to date or you’ve been together for ages. However, this criterion isn’t restricted to long-distance relationships as it is also a useful tool for the single and ready to mingle side of affairs.

I’ve always been a sexting pro for as long as I can remember. As the mode and phases of communication rolled along I was there for it. Midnight calls, Facebook, 2go, BBM, and eventually, Whatsapp. I was there for it all. Drafting paragraphs describing explicit things I want to do to women was like waking up and eating breakfast. I was more than a sweet mouth, I also had silk fingers when typing as well. I had what it took to sustain my first forays into understanding women and boy did I sustain a few.

It was midnight and the AC blasting cold air in my face was doing a good job of keeping me awake. That was the plan anyway; risk hypothermia till 12:30am and let the voice of your crush serve as a warm blanket to your pains. I swiped my mum’s phone from beside her pillow with a combo of holding my breath so she wouldn’t hear me breathing and black ops-esque movement. Under the protection of a warm duvet and the air conditioning at max cool, I dialled my baby’s number.

Her tender and fluffy ‘hello’ interrupted that Hello, Africa. Happy Africans caller tone. I let it dangle in suspense before responding with a ‘hi, beautiful.’ I heard her giggle under her breath sheepishly. My young ego had been stroked and my smug smile intervals, my sister, groggy, slurry but somehow coherently kept telling me to keep my voice down.

I was in the zone and I was at the lowest decibels required to accomplish the task at hand. The subtle bass in my voice caressed each sweet line or sentence that rolled down my tongue and into the microphone. The dark-skinned fifteenyear- old at the other end of the phone was in tune with every word. The subtle bass had also stopped me from knowing my mum was in the bathroom which happens to be sharing a wall with my bedroom. “I want to kiss you and as I’m kissing you I’m squeezing your bum.” Right as I was about to follow up with what I wanted to squeeze next, I received a dirty slap on my back. My mum had snuck into my room and landed a cheap shot on my unsuspecting back.

My damsel in distress had heard my distress signal and had hung up swiftly. “Whose bum bum are you squeezing?” With tears in my eyes, I spun around to see her head within the quadrants of my bed. She snatched the phone from the bed as my hands flung behind to console the portion of my back that had just been violated. This particular memory is ranked highly because it taught me the lesson of high risk, high reward. When I got to school on Monday, my babycakes rewarded me with my first kiss. She had seen the lengths I’d go to just to speak to her. Although she eventually dumped me for the class-prefect, an important lesson was learnt.

When the need for sexting ever arrives in a relationship, there are a few vital things to know; one of them is listening to your partner and being vocal about what you want. You’ll get your partner’s feedback whether you’re hitting the right buttons or not. That would guide mastering the sexting game. If you know what they like, how they like it, you’re halfway there. Also, before you talk on the phone, you should already be turned on. So you experience every whisper and pause as it was intended. In addition, if you both aren’t sensible mutual sex partners then hold off on the nude photos to avoid stories that touch later in the future. Also, let’s say you’re really into public sex but have no intentions of actually doing it; having phone sex is a great and safe way to talk about the things you would like to do but wouldn’t do in real life.

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