Are You ‘Heading’My Way?

From as far back as I can recall, I was always thought of as a ‘bad boy’. Remember those kids who would deliberately drop pencils to peek at the colour of girls’ underwear? That was me.

My eyes shone the brightest when kissing scenes came up in movies and whenever we played ‘Mummy and Daddy’ I shuffled wives like a deck of Whot cards.

One night, we were suspiciously ushered to bed by my older brother. He laid our beds, tucked us in, and fluffed our pillows. Bros went the whole nine yards which was very unlike him.

Amidst his niceties, I laid in bed resenting him for not letting me finish watching cartoons. My sister on the other hand was none the wiser and was already in Disneyland.

Curious to find out what was so important, I snuck back to the living room and I was disgusted by what I saw…Who am I kidding? I was grinning from ear to ear. I almost asked him to share his snacks with me.

It was new and unlike anything I had seen or read. It was oral sex.

Upon my further visual enquiry for educational purposes the words cunnilingus, fellatio, head, blowie, and brain kept recurring. Only later did I find out that the last three words were just colloquial variants of the first and second words.

Fellatio pertains to men and it is the oral stimulation of the male genitals while cunnilingus focuses on the oral stimulation of the female genitals. Both words I learnt much later in life from another movie but that’s a story for another day. Before that information, I stuck with the bandwagon and referred to the act as head.

 As detailed as the movie was, it didn’t account for the many things that I later got to find out about the hard way. Lessons like you can very much get sexually transmitted diseases and infections from oral sex, the different aromas and fragrances, your teeth have no business in the conversation, and always return the favour.


The Law of Always Returning The Favour.

For the sake of this story, I’ll elucidate. Let’s think about it like pancakes and syrup. There are people who; like pancakes but can’t make it, there are those who like pancakes and can make it and those who can’t stand it. With this delicious breakdown. I’m sure after this some of you wouldn’t be able to look at pancakes the same way anymore.

Anyways, I recommend letting whoever you are with know where you stand on the subject and you move on from there. Who knows you might just come across someone who loves or hates it as much as you do. I haven’t always had the best of luck in such situations but we move regardless.



Did Someone Say Lollipop?

Just like lollipops and popsicles, you derive the sugary enjoyment from licking them, the same goes for fellatio. Newbies, you don’t have to overthink it just lick; he’ll understand that you are yet to take your training wheels off.

Another thing worth stating is since you are down there you might as well say hello to its twin brothers( you know what I mean). They also have huge roles to play in their entirety. Gentle licks and teasing kisses would expedite how long you get to spend there but always remember anything worth doing is worth doing well.

Please, Your Teeth Have no Business in The conversation

I have to revert to a proverb that properly explains this;

 Just because the tongue and teeth are housed under the same roof does not mean they have the same job -pun intended.

If you decide to allow oral sex, ensure that whoever you choose to share the experience with is well informed on the subject. I had a close call with a girlfriend of mine at the time.

Blinded by the urge, I forgot to ask for her sexual resumé. She was so inexperienced and to top it all off she had Diastema (Gap teeth). My life and the lives of my unborn kids flashed before my eyes. She spent the night apologizing while I nursed my contused genitals.

Sadly, I had gone first and spelt the entire alphabet from A-Z and then backwards. I even spelt coconut. Climaxed and satisfied, she couldn’t return the favour.


Always Hydrate

In both cases, slippery, slimy, and wet is always best. The more saliva you can produce during oral sex the merrier for both parties.

There’s also the likelihood that you can’t produce enough saliva during fellatio or cunnilingus investing in a bottle of edible lube would do you a world of good.

If You love to Eat Onions, Avoid Me!

Aside from the premium tears from cutting onions, it, as well as garlic can hugely affect the taste of the genital juices.

Onions don’t necessarily smell like daisies and roses when you eat them. The pungent smell would make going in for a kiss impossible.

I have nothing against people who eat onions or garlic but the taste and nutritional value aside, why would you eat garlic before a sexcapade? Are you a serial killer?

Pineapple has been said to sweeten juices. Why not opt for that instead?



Website | + posts

About Author /

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published.

Start typing and press Enter to search