Tricky foods to Eat in a Public Bus

I’d like to think this isn’t something most people catching the 4 pm bus from Ikeja under bridge to Berger bother themselves with but it should.

Don’t get me wrong, food is essential and Lagos will have you running on empty but I’ve always wondered how people eat certain things inside danfo. I wouldn’t deny ever eating on a bus but…

These foods require a level of stillness to be eaten.

So I’d like us, myself included, to see this list as a call to action for us to do better and save ourselves the awkward stares and glances.

Bananas

Bananas

I don’t think people shouldn’t eat bananas in public. Let’s ignore the small fact that it’s phallus shaped and talk about eating techniques.

Do you eat it slowly and quickly? Grab it with both hands and go crazy or cut it in half? The possibilities are endless and equally awkward.

What do you do with the abnormally long ones? It’s the effrontery of eating a banana with groundnut for me honestly. Bananas and nuts. Think about it – o wrong nau!

Delicious Termites

Termites

You’d be blown away at the things sold in Lagos traffic. You can buy a pot, a cooker and rice in traffic. I don’t blame these traffic vendors but please chill. In what dimension is consuming peppered termites in a bus full of people ok?

Excuse me sir? This isn’t Fear factor.

I know what you are going to say, ‘Termites are rich in protein.’ We’ll, that’s a protein I don’t need, thank you very much but no thank you.

Walnuts and Boiled Eggs

These are paired because of the cracking activity tailored to them. I understand walnuts have a smaller form compared to hard-boiled eggs so you’d think nobody sees you, but that rewarding loud crack from a broken walnut shell under your teeth comes with unwanted attention.

Now you’ve peeled the shell of the egg, how do you devour it? Whole to avoid attention and risk looking like a glutton or take your time and be the lead suspect if the bus begins to smell funny. For those of you reading this and feeling pressed I’ll let you think long and hard about your life’s choices.

Cooked Corn

Boiled Corn

Ok, this is a crime I’m guilty of. I can’t explain how many times I’ve caught at least one passenger looking at me all salty because I’m going full beast mode on a cob of boiled corn and I have corn hairs and whatnot all over my mouth, not forgetting the husky pieces that get stuck in between one’s teeth

This is a look that seems all too familiar because it’s one I’ve given people on numerous occasions. There’s no way to keep your composure so best save this for when you can unbuckle that belt or take that wig off and go full crazy.

 

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