I Peg Your Pardon?

The hardest part of writing this column week in, week out would–hands down– be penning down those first letters that pillars the rest of the article. Staring at a blank sheet for minutes, second-guessing and scrutinising every word. Buckling down on each paragraph so one transitions into the other effortlessly like; skilfully changing positions from the cowgirl to reverse variant without intermission. That feeling twinned the one I got when I paid my friends visits and I was compelled to come in through the backdoor. Why do you have to take me on a tour of your kitchen when we could just go through the main entrance? And although both problems weren’t entirely identical, they struck a nerve. This is something you ‘don’t’ want to happen while trying out today’s theme and soon enough—if you stick till the end—you’d find out why.

Navigating through the morass ever-evolving concepts, notions, and beliefs of what sex is or what it shouldn’t be, you’d realise that the experience feels better with taboo or whatever society has pinned as taboo. That voice lodged at the back of your head, telling you it is not normal to feel this way is usually the synopsis of every kink. It’s the Chemical X that’s added to the sugar, spice, and everything nice of lovemaking which in turn, results in brain-melting orgasms.

If (in the words of Josh2Funny) you’ve jotted things down from the previous Confidential, you’d discern that with sex, you might just need to suit up like Robert Downey Jr to spice up and elongate the shelf life of your sexual urges. And today’s conversation is not astray from that discussion albeit entirely different. To celebrate International Men’s Day, I’ll be covering a sexual predilection that involves empowering women and turns gender and social norms askew. The thruster becomes, the thrusted and the stereotypical thrusted, becomes the thruster. Figured it out yet? No? Let me spark the torch that will brighten the dim crevices of your mind’s sexual atrium.

Conventionally, the man(thruster) slots his erected appendage through the soft, warm, and homely privates of a woman(thrusted.) However, with ‘pegging’ the roles are in reverse. A female (vagina-bearing person) penetrates a male (penis-bearing person)with a strap-on.

I imagine the men are heaving God forbids and Tufiakwas in the air having read that last paragraph but—and hear me out— I implore you to hold those reservations till the end of this before you feel emasculated and abort. As far as we(men) are concerned, the butt is a no-go area.

Structurally, it was built as a backdoor to all our dietary choices but if we’ve learnt anything from society, it’s that; one thing can have a plethora of functions. And if the elusive ‘male g spot’ that is said to be located in the prostate is anything like that of a female, be rest assured that the orgasms are out of this realm.
With the preamble out of the way, let’s focus on how you can probably poke around with your partner or at least find out if it’s something you’re open to. Like every sexual exploration, consent from who you are about to probe with a rubber strap-on is very valid. I’ll want to know all there is to know about a certain topic especially if it involves going down a hole never before travelled. Extended and extensive research on the hows, dos and don’t should be the best bet and if it’s a ‘no’ from your partner, don’t rush it.

What everyone tends to forget about sexual preferences are they are largely bent on sexual pleasure and not orientation. Sex is for pleasure and as we’ve seen sex doesn’t care about borders or restrictions. It’s fluid and free but if socialization has taught us anything it’s that those restrictions are society’s reflection on things they have no control over. If you and your partner want to squeeze, poke or nudge yourself go right ahead. As long as you keep it between yourselves then no problem. Just don’t “accidentally post it on Snapchat.”

Peradventure you do agree to the proposition of a squeaky clean toy in your rectum, make sure it’s squeaky clean. You wouldn’t want to catch an infection that would be hard to explain to your doctor. When it comes to things going into your anus you’ll need to be very cautious because although it’s been said to be extremely pleasurable, it can be very precarious if not executed properly. You’ve just given your over-eager girlfriend the go-ahead to peg you, unaware of the care needed and drunk-on-power of being the thruster, she has ruptured your bum. Now, you’re pricing bulk adult diapers. Don’t let this be you. Ladies, with great power, comes great responsibility. Baby steps are necessary before you turn to a caregiver all because of kink.

Lube, lube, and more lube. When you think the lube is enough, add more. Also, selecting the right toys is equally as crucial because your partner has a huge penis that doesn’t mean you go pick a toy that will wreck his arse. Go for something small, slim, and easy to clean, and again lube up. The rectum can’t lubricate itself like a vagina hence, the extra need for the lube.

The best choice of lube should be water-based and only water-based. If you check all these boxes, then you are ready to hop on the pegging train. And as I append the finishing touches to this controversial piece, I ask myself, ‘In my quest for neverfelt orgasms would I want something up my bum…I’m not so sure, but one thing I am sure about is I’d think long and hard if it’s a lady with a strap-on to a guy without one.’ But how about you? Men are you willing to break gender orientation and have your partner inside you anally all for pleasure?

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