From the moment I could wrap my head around and comprehend all the different notions surrounding the word ‘sex’, I’ve always been very conscious and present in all its swooning energies. I’ll elucidate further. As humans especially in Nigeria, we’ve been conditioned to believe that sex is just for the sake of procreation. In and out; the semen flows through the fallopian tube, locates an egg, and nine months later, a gathering of friends and family are eating at your newborn’s naming ceremony. However, sex is a lot more transcendent than that. As a participant, there’s usually a desired purpose tied to whatever it is we sign up for (even if that thing happens to be sex). And even if in this case the goal is orgasm, there’s no harm in learning a few things along the way. Intercourse is an intimate barter, a give and- take of emotions, a trade-in of energies between two parties, and not a giveaway. Being able to appreciate and identify each molecule associated with the word and what makes it breathe is the first part of truly enjoying heightened pleasure.

Spending time exploring new and mind-awakening ways to redefine the conventional understanding of sexual satisfaction would help unlock new channels of communication. I guess that’s why you’re reading this column and you guessed it, I have something I also had to do a lot of homework on. Introducing Tantric Sex. For those of you who have seen that one episode of The Bold Type where this interesting arm of sex was briefly explored you might already have an idea of what it is. For those who don’t, I’ll advise you don’t feel bad. I was also a tantra virgin some minutes ago. Just stick with me and by the time you’re done with this article, you’d be all caught up with the tantric acts.

Tantric sex was born when some ancient Hindu monks got tired of monk-ing at the peak of a mountain and decided to channel those years of meditative experience into sex. (This isn’t the official definition but I like this better) Tantra-based sex emphasizes the importance of being present at the moment to ensure a sensual and fulfilling sexual experience. It is a slow, meditative form of sex where the end goal is not orgasmic eureka, but simply enjoying the body and the journey through intimacy.

As it turns out, venturing into tantric techniques has been said to correct a ton of sexual complications

So you can slow your roll on those premature ejaculation herbal mixtures with hard to pronounce names, we both know they aren’t working. One of the great things about this is it helps strengthen the emotional bond of a couple by allowing them to have more intense, longer, and aware lovemaking. Before I delve into the how-to, I’d like to take you through one of my signature flashbacks. Disclaimer: This isn’t really a tantric sex story but every time I think about it, it just might have been.

We’re in this clammy room, illuminated by one of those fluorescent AKT bulbs and we’re in the Yab Yub position (in case you’re wondering what that is, peep the lead image) grinding and by that, I mean, staring-into-eachothers- eyes, totally and utterly drenched in sweat. Every time I think back to that day, it ranks as one of the best sex I ever had because it felt more intimate, a lot more passionate and I lasted longer than previous three-night stands. Could this have anything to do with being in the Yab Yub position with our eyes locked? Now you see why I say it might have well been tantric sex.

If you want to have something raw and passionate like that, here are a few things to know;

With tantric sex, attaining sexual euphoria is not the goal. I’ll repeat that for those who didn’t catch that. To orgasm is the target just as penetration is entirely necessary. However, here are some things that get you closer to your tantric objective, one of which is being attentive to the needs of your partner. Spending sexy time with your partner is a time to be attentive. Listen to the sounds your partner makes, feel the warmth of their skin, imagine how you feel, and how they feel. Once you begin to accept your physical sensations and feel them for what they are, they will unlock a whole new level of physical satisfaction that will unravel into something beautiful.

Another thing worth paying attention to is body language. Just as you are about to strip down, you’d need to leave that judgemental baggage at the door because it’s not welcome in the bedroom. Insecurities about how you look should be gotten rid of. Let your body lose itself in the sex. Like waves of seawater kissing the shore, surrender your body and ride the pleasure like a surfer trying to catch a wave. That’s the best and only way to have transcendent sex. Breathing also fits the bill when tantric sex is involved because of how dependent it is on meditation.

Synchronizing the breath may increase connection and intimacy. Setting aside some time and preparing a comfortable environment for tantric sex, whether with a partner or alone, can help people fully focus on the experience.

Tilewa Kazeem
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