What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word ‘swallow?’ For some, it might be the thought of pounded yam, furiously bludgeoned by two sweaty men with mortars, and then served with a dollop of egusi blissfully littered with assorted meats. While for others, it could connote the illegal means of smuggling drugs by digesting them— a lot like that Swallow film. However, today’s discussion doesn’t involve food or drugs. Today we’re talking about the big ‘O’. No, not orgasms but Oral Sex and those little Micheal Phelps-like swimmers.

Allegedly, a ‘serving’ of semen is said to carry 37.5MB worth of DNA but not all data in this…stick is destined for procreation. When mouths and phalluses become acquainted, semen makes its way down the chute in some way. There’s no need to squirm or avert your gaze. We understand that these things happen in a flash; one second, the coast is clear; the next, your eyes widen as your mouth fills, you take a large swallow, and it’s down the hatch. (P.S penis wielders, exercise restraint and don’t go around sowing seeds without proper permission and consent. Not everyone wants to be your soil.) You’ve just downed a large mouthful of his seed, and if it’s your first time, you’re probably wondering if his fantastic swimmers will find their way to your ovaries, and cutscene, you’re heading to the bathroom to puke like in Nigerian movies. First of all, that can’t happen but you should know what exactly it is you just ingested. The water content of sperm is eighty per cent. It also contains proteins and amino acids, as well as sugars like fructose and glucose, zinc, calcium, and vitamin C, as well as a few other elements. There are also a few proteins and calories in an average ejaculation. A 2013 evaluation of studies published in the Journal of Andrology indicated that the average protein concentration of semen is 5,040 milligrams (mg) per 100 ml, according to Healthline. Because the usual ejaculation excretes about 5 mL of semen, a gulp contains about 252 mg of protein. As far as calories go there are very few of them between 1-5 calories.

Another thing to know before going on a semen diet is you’re only as safe as your partner (s). If you can’t trust who and where it’s been, don’t stick it in your mouth because of a small portion of protein. There’s a reason there is no such dish called coq au semen. (Google pronunciation of coq au vin.) STIs such as chlamydia, gonorrhoea, and HPV— as well as HIV—are risks. Yes, there is still a risk of contracting HIV through oral sex, even if the risk is lower than it is for penetrative sex. Just before I hurry off to the story bit of this article, I want to try to scribble down my take on this topic. I promise not to hold up the line so other “agendas can agend.”

So this thing is a “freak in the sheets” type of situation. Being completely–pardon my language– slutted out by someone. It has nothing to do with anything else. It’s all part of sex; so most times, it boils down to how far you’re willing to go sexually and how much you trust who you’re with. I touched on it earlier but I’m rephrasing it for context. It’s also safe to say fizzing molecules of emotions is also a catalyst. And personally, scout’s honour, I find it very very kinky. Now cue the story bit. The first time this happened, I felt it on a different level. I hope my muse finds this amusing.

Femi sat there and watched her lips move as she explained the movement of a queen on a chessboard. As she shifted her gaze to his direction to know if he was paying attention, she caught him staring at her. “Concentrate,” she said sheepishly as she tucked her hair behind her ear and a little warm smile appeared. They had known each other from way back, when her love for chess waxed strong. He remembered how her medals hung high when you entered her childhood home. Although she was a few years younger then, he still found her cute smile her most attractive feature. But as he tried to act out a little of what chess she taught him, he had come to appreciate some of her developed physical features too. Her cheeks and breasts were fuller, and so was her old smile. They talked, laughed, and walked down memory boulevard together. The childhood crush they had for one another flickered in their hearts, but it wasn’t something one visit would fix. As they spent more time talking and meeting up, like her once immense love for chess, they waxed stronger. After they had their first kiss, everything sort of turned up a notch. What they had was swaddled in melted strawberries, frozen, and then gently blowtorched to achieve the desired glaze. And it also perfectly describes what cunnilingus felt like with her. As she went to work on his thallus, every sinew in his body stretched. She looked back at him as though she was egging him on and he got ten steps closer with every tongue technique.
He struggled not to let out a groan that he repeated till he eventually climaxed in her mouth. His fatigued apology was met with a coy smile and a gulp. Seeing that, his already flaccid penis sprung up. She got up from her knees and they engaged in a heated, passionate tongue wrestle. As she laid her back on the bed, she spread her legs, and he returned the favour.

 

Tilewa Kazeem
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