Every day, as humans, we spend an average of four hours a day daydreaming and for some professional daydreamers (I see you Bella Shmurda) twenty-four hours aren’t enough. Of those hours we spend staring into the empty nothingness, we browse through the best hits including the infamous ‘If I can just see ten billion dollars right now.’

However, amongst all those assortments of reveries, one isn’t as publicised as others. We all have them (some more than others) and just like those dreams of discovering two million dollars laying on the ground somewhere, we desperately wish they could come true. I’m talking about steamy sexual fantasies.

I understand it’s a touchy-feely subject for most people but it’s almost as natural as breathing or getting horny. It’s that all-essential journey to arousal we all strap in for and at times, they might not arrive at our desired outcome but hey, if that’s not life then I don’t know what is.

Like dementors hurdled around scheduling intermittent coups d’é·tat, we are never completely rid of these hot thoughts, as a matter of fact, our subconscious is under siege and eventually plagued by them from time to time. But unlike our regular joust with mini sexual trances, this is a different strain of erotic fantasies. Once in it, it’s like starring in a sitcom where the role of the other character (male or female) is to totally and utterly ravage you. No holds barred!

You get to be in an upside-down world with someone, that may or may not be your partner and you both live separate lives but strive to achieve a common purpose; precarious, soul snatching, body contouring, sweat drowning sex. One where a plumber comes to fix a leaky pipe, or an older female colleague finally lets you pound one out.

Usually, these erogenous mirages couldn’t be worse at timing. You’d be trying to get work done one minute and the next you’re in Wonderland with your partner, wearing a slutty Nigeria Police Force uniform and yourself as a criminal, bound in handcuffs. But, most times insecurities, anxiety, and the fear of being judged allow them to remain fantasies, trapped and resulting in unwanted pent-up sexual energy and quintessential sex with your partner.

Sometimes as humans, we wish for someone kinky, adventurous, and audacious in the sheets to try out all our sexual desires with. No luggage, baggage, and completely drama-free. But you’re better off finding a needle in a haystack. More often than not, like a blacksmith forging a sword, you’re going to have to bang repeatedly till you find the right one. Bringing roleplay into the mix of a relationship is not as easy as cracking eggs and if not well introduced, can destabilize or destroy a relationship (romantic or otherwise).

Luckily, I, as usual, have a few pointers to help you overcome today’s problem and possibly tomorrow’s lesson.

Like Two Points, Find Where You Meet

It can be tricky bringing roleplay up with your bae, boo, or partner. When approaching the topic of acting out a fantasy, it is best to play on a real-life scenario. How do I mean? Let’s assume you and your partner are seeing a movie that happens to have a scene with similar props as your fantasy, you could test the waters by throwing out a question like “Would you like it if I wore this during sex?” That way, you’d get the necessary information and not have to worry about putting yourself out there without a safety harness or net.

Whatever Happens in The Bedroom, Stays in The Bedroom

Like a therapist’s office, everything said and done in the bedroom is void of judgment. Only then will you be able to totally and freely talk about your fantasies and desires. Binding your partner by a pact can be helpful. ‘Whoever laughs at what the opposite party says does the dishes for a week’ is an adequate punishment. To be able to fully enjoy sexual exploration, you must understand that your proclivities will not be revealed to anyone else. With that out of the way, you can finally tell her that being chased around with koboko does it for you. Good luck champ! I’m rooting for you.

Processing A Fantasy

This is probably the most important tip of all the listed tips. It just might be the most trustworthy ‘tip’ related conversation you’ll ever hear in the bedroom. Our fantasies of what we want in bed are often contradictions of who we are in reality. If your partner is a lawyer and he wants to be treated like Anini in the bedroom then treat him as such as long as it is consensual. The fantasies you’d hear might seem unnatural or bizarre but that shouldn’t be your concern. How you use that knowledge to create thrilling, dazzling, and frightening fun in the bedroom should be your paramount interest.

Stay in The Shallow End

Now that secrets have been traded, it’s off to the tailor to help bring your school girl reverie to reality. I advise that you both exercise some patience after sharing. Taking this bedroom kink too fast is like taking a sledgehammer to everything you’ve worked on. For one to swim, one must first learn to float. Try acting out a character in the bedroom first before strapping on those costumes.

Have A Safe Word

It’s completely normal to feel uncomfortable in such new circumstances which is why having a safe word is important. What this does is allow your partner to know when what you’re doing is no longer fun for them and they need to stop. For example, my safe word is Orangutan. I’m not a fan of them or anything of the sort, it’s just better yelling an endangered ape in the bed than ‘no’. Having a safe word is very important when exploring a new kink. Hearing ‘no’ or ‘stop’ in the bedroom can be very demoralising for any gender. Cloaking them with another word helps lessen the pressure.

 

 

Tilewa Kazeem
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