Ever thought about the links between business and dating culture? In this story we hear from Bola, a systems analyst consultant, who decided to negotiate a particular segment of her love life. During this process, she came away with some tips and tricks she’d like to pass along to people looking to build their negotiation “skills” in the business of love. Once upon a time, I met this man. So first, on how we connected. I was swiping one day, as you do during a pandemic when I came across someone I knew in 3-D (as in, I knew him in real life), and I thought – hey! Let me say hi! So I swiped, and we matched. It started off friendly – a hi here, a see-you-later there – and eventually, we got down to the brass tacks of our negotiation: What do you want? What are you looking for? Love, sex, friendship? FWB? Jump-off?

We found ourselves defining our social boundaries, which is important – that way, everyone’s working with fewer crossed wires… unless, of course, that’s part of the service offering.

But as we weren’t negotiating any Hibachi, whip, torture, or roleplay, that wasn’t relevant. Additional small tips, especially as pertain to me: Another reason to outline these parameters upfront, so one doesn’t end up in a situation they can’t handle. We don’t want to be the person left on “read” by someone we’re possibly interested in. Plus, with this swiping culture our short attention spans have nurtured, it’s important that we manage our expectations. With some people, even when they’re chatting with us, we can tell by the canned responses, that all they did was
hit ”copy and paste.”

Based on our initial meeting and follow-up consultations, we determined that neither of us wanted something serious in the other. So, we agreed to manage our expectations. While I’m waiting for “The One,” a girl still has needs. As they say, body no be firewood. We didn’t go over things like the sort of sexual encounters we’d be having, the kinds of things we wanted to do to each other. Historically, such claims need to be proven either through reputable testimonials, or through demonstrated action. Being that marketing is essentially the science of the brand or entity telling its consumers what to think of it, marketing is not something that works well, here. Endorsements are better… If you know what I mean! Suffice it to say, this potential partner decided to showcase some… USPs and activities, which were wholly unexpected.

Another tip: When giving a sales pitch or proposal, don’t give away your entire plan! Leave the client with some areas… unsatisfied. If you’re on the other side, make sure you go over the entire contract – and leave assumptions to the chumps that believe in them. Spell everything out. As I said earlier, this partner and I didn’t fully outline some of the terms and conditions of our arrangement. I came to regret that, in the end, when this oversight returned to bite me in the you-know-where… which, I might add, this gentleman completely did not do. Leading me to leave the sales pitch completely… unsatisfied, as well. I debated whether to keep or lose this man’s number. Not because I didn’t have a good time, but that particular expectation I had, of… satisfaction, didn’t quite pan out. And not because it couldn’t, but he wouldn’t. Sometimes the teasing doesn’t prove as good as the implementation. Anyway, let’s see. It could also be a matter of supply and demand

 

Efua Oyofo
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