Someone Please Call 911

Chaos. Pain. Blood everywhere,

I am so confused.

I hear voices. I hear his familiar voice. And I also hear other voices reeling out medical words so I assume they are doctors or nurses. Which makes sense. I am in a hospital. One minute, we were having a Netflix and chill evening, the next minute pain and all this.

A few hours ago…………………….

The husband and I decided to shut the world out and spend a few precious hours alone. With our intense schedules lately, we needed to decompress and just be.

The much-anticipated Queen of Men miniseries event on the streaming platform was on our watch list and being the hostess that I am, I set out a selection of things for us to eat and drink. I set everything up on the dining table so we could snack as we watched. Nothing as serious as proper food. Popcorn. Plantain chips. Salsa. Spicy dip. Chicken wings. Meatballs. Spring rolls. Puff puff. Palm wine. Chapman. Water. Ice cream in the freezer.

We wore our sweatpants and oversized t-shirts, shut the curtains, put our phones on silent mode and settled down on the couch with an extra-large duvet, and hit the play button.

It was all going according to plan until we got to the final episode. Episode 7. My plate had crunchy plantain chips and dips on it as the episode started. I was munching furiously on the chips when IT happened. The part of the episode where the Queen of Men morphed into this other worldly being, guns, tigers, proverbs, incantations… Then I screamed.


I am lying down. No blood now. Bandaged. Pain medication is administered intravenously.

A doctor and two nurses stand by the bed. My husband is seated. Beside me. Holding my hand

Mr doctor man speaks – ‘So how did this happen?’

I cannot speak. Bandages and all. I close my eyes and hope they all go away. No one must know about this.

I hear my husband clear his throat.

‘Well..’ He begins. I squeeze his hand. Sending him a message…Do not tell them.

I turn to look at him. He is smiling. Actually – he looks like he is holding back laughter. His eyes are twinkling. Traitor.

‘So. We were watching Queen of Men’

‘Ah yes. I plan to see that once my shift is over’ Mr doctor man says.



My husband continues – ‘You should. So we were watching Queen of Men and snacking. You know…nothing out of the ordinary. However, my wife here was eating some unripe crunchy plantain chips. And a part of the episode we were watching was pretty intense so she must have chewed the chips the wrong way. Next thing I know, she screams, and I see blood coming out of her mouth. Before I get to her, she drops the plate, and it breaks, and she steps on a piece of broken glass. There was blood everywhere. From her mouth and from her foot. I rushed her here.

Mr doctor man looks like he is stifling laughter.

“Madam. You will not be eating anything for the next 2 days. Just liquids and warm water and salt to gargle. The piece of plantain chip was sharp, and you must have bitten down with a lot of force because it cut a portion of your gum and you bit your tongue. That’s where the blood came from. It looks scarier than the actual damage so do not worry. You also need to stay off your left foot and keep it dry as you cut it badly. Try to be more careful in the future.”

I am so embarrassed…….


Dips to serve with plantain chips.

To make the Chunky Salsa, you will need:

  • Half a red or white onion – cut into very small pieces
  • 4 large firm tomatoes – seeds and pulp removed. Cut into small pieces
  • 1 yellow or green habanero pepper – cut into very small pieces. Remove the seeds to take the heat level down
  • 3 basil leaves (any kind you prefer works) – cut into thin strips
  • Salt and black pepper to taste


  • Combine all the ingredients in a bowl. Season to taste and leave in the fridge in an airtight container

To make the creamy dip, you will need:

  • 1 cup thick unsweetened yogurt or Greek yogurt
  • ¼ cucumber. Peeled, seeds removed, and cut into very small pieces
  • ¼ teaspoon garlic powder
  • Chives or spring onions. Cut into small pieces
  • Salt and black pepper to taste


  • Combine all the ingredients in a bowl. Season to taste and leave in the fridge in an airtight container



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