Over the years, research has shown that the capacity to experience orgasm during intercourse, and to a lesser extent in masturbation, is partly genetically determined. An individual’s response to sexual pleasure during their lifetime is a mixture of both the physical processes and the subjective responses to those processes.

According to research, 10% of people with vulvas reach climax easily while the other 90% struggle. Many people have trouble reaching climax because some can’t seem to get over the “almost there hump” or because the thought of their mountainous to-do list always pops into their heads just before they get off.

This is more or less like a “You” thing. We all must have been told something like, “Just chill out, stop thinking about it, and it’ll happen”, but the bitter truth is that the classic advice to simply “relax” your way to a mind-blowing orgasm is straight-up wrong.

According to psychotherapist experts, entering into a sexual moment with the hopes of haphazardly and spontaneously arriving at pleasure is unrealistic. It’s also fundamentally not how the brain or body works. As a matter of fact, the whole idea of “relax babe, it will happen” can eventually lead to increased substance use in women trying to enjoy sex.

There are many reasons why orgasm might not be happening for you. Myisha Battle, Allbodies educator and sex coach, explains that stress, negative body image, hormone imbalance, prescription meds like SSRls, or simply not
liking a particular type of stimulation can all come into action and shop away your feel-good release.

Orgasming can require some mental, physical and emotional labour, regardless of your libido, sexual orientation or comfort level with your body. There are plenty of ways to make orgasm more accessible for your body; let’s get you started.

(1) Check-in With Yourself

One major vital thing to reaching your pinnacle is finding ways to destress. It will be good for people who struggle with orgasm to explore where in their life that harbour too much control. Orgasm is all about surrender. When we try to control too many aspects of our life or some aspects too lightly, this can leak over into orgasm function.

If you find out you are having a hard time letting go, consider chatting with a professional.

(2) Incorporate Erotism

For many people, if a partner is going to bring them to orgasm, the mechanics only account for half the equation. However, the truth is that there is a need for some erotic charge to the exchange, which could be described as the flow of desire communicated between two people.

There are so many ways to contribute to erotism; articulating your preference for where you’d like to be touched is one of them. If you don’t like your nipple pinched, kindly give your partner feedback by telling them what you’d
like instead.

Tell them the part of your body to be touched when they are at it. That erotic intimacy will help to keep you present. Radical self-acceptance is much easier said than done; there are periods when you start feeling insecure about your body or even about how your partner thinks about you. One thing you should learn to do is to believe that your partner thinks you are sexy at the moment. If you can buy into that, you’re one step closer to your next toe-curling orgasm.

(3) Arousal Gel:

An arousal gel might be the final push you need if you find yourself getting close to orgasm but can’t seem to get past that “I’m so close, wait, no, it’s gone” hump. These gels and lubes help in enhancing sexual sensation, making it easier to climax.

Arousal Gel works by opening your blood vessels which amps up oxygen delivery and blood flow to the genitals. This process increases sensitivity and secretions to intensify orgasm, which means you get wetter, and your orgasm comes easier while you come harder.

(4) Play a Sex Game:

If you sit there, trying to will yourself to orgasm, you might be putting too much stress on the whole thing. One fun way to take a step back is to have fun and playfully connect with your partner. Playing sex games will definitely turn you on since they likely involve stripping naked or licking body parts. Most importantly, they will get you talking about which is big for arousal and climax.

Apart from the fact that communication is a form of seduction, it is also a precursor that lays the foundation for more meaningful, fulfilling and pleasurable sex. Ranging from sex board games to classics like dirty truth or dare, there are many options out there that can help build up the sexual tension and help you get closer to getting off.

(5) Be Very Vocal:

One of the keys to good sex is talking about sex. When you normalise talking about sex —especially when you are not having it—you create space in your relationship to easily verbalise what you want in the moment. Apart from chatting outside the bedroom, don’t be afraid to use your voice while getting it on. Have it at the back of your mind that if you keep blocking your sounds, you will likely be blocking your potential for orgasm.

Note that when you allow yourself to vocalise during sex and self-pleasure, you allow more blood flow to your pelvic
floor, vagina carnal, cervix and the entire structure of your clitoris, which helps you reach orgasm.

(6) Pay Attention To Your Breath:

Remember to pay attention to your breathing when getting all vocal. Engaging in super rapid huffs and puffs or even
holding your breath could hinder blood circulation. Apart from the fact that focusing on your breath work will help ensure ample blood flow to get to all your arousal organs, like your clits and your brain, to help you climax, it will also help you stay present in the heat of the moment.

(7) Do Two Things at a Time:

For this, while your partner is going down on you, ask them to put a finger or two inside you and move your hips against their mouth to help create a rhythm that feels best for you. Most times, rather than just one move, it’s a combination of things that hits the magic button.

(8) Dry Humping:

Dry Humping, or whatever you call it, is the act of rubbing your vagina against your partner’s leg, knee, erection or other body parts. I must say that it deserves more respect and love than most people give it. Dry Humping is one hugely underrated method, but it works like magic.

With your clothes or underwear as a barrier, grinding against your partner’s pelvic bone or genitals will indirectly stimulate the clitoris, arousing you in a spectacular way.

Dorcas Akintoye
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Dorcas Akintoye is a versatile writer with a passion for beauty, fashion, relationships, and culinary delight. With a keen eye for detail and a passion for storytelling, she adds a touch of elegance to every topic she explores. She is a writer at THEWILL DOWNTOWN.