There comes a time in every woman’s life when she realises that peace has a price. And that the cost, more often than not, is access.

For years, she had been an open house — heart unlocked, windows wide, every light on. She believed in connection, in generosity, in second chances. She said yes to every request, entertained every call, absorbed every story that wasn’t hers to hold. Because that’s what good people do, isn’t it? They show up. They accommodate. They forgive.

Until one day, she woke up empty.

It wasn’t burnout per se, it was emotional bankruptcy. Her kindness account was overdrawn. Her time, her peace, her attention was spent on others. She couldn’t hear herself anymore. The noise of everyone else’s needs had drowned out her own.

And when she wasn’t solving other people’s problems, she was busy community-solutioning her own — taking surveys of friends, family, and strangers to decide what her next move should be. Every decision became a round-table discussion. Every revelation met with a chorus of opinions. The more she shared, the less she knew.

She realised that sometimes giving too much of herself wasn’t kindness — it was self-sabotage. Not everything needed to be up for debate. Some truths needed to stay unspoken, sacred, whispered only to God. The minute she began to keep a few things to herself, she noticed how stillness returned, how clarity bloomed when she wasn’t carrying the weight of a million voices.

She had been naked and vulnerable, completely surrounded, and yet, overwhelmingly alone. She was surrounded by noise, by people, by commentary, but missing her own anchor, her own intelligence, her own spiritual compass.

It wasn’t that she regretted being open; it was that she had mistaken openness for obligation. She had confused connection with exposure.

So, she stopped.

No announcement, no explanation, just stillness.

She started closing the windows — not to shut the world out, but to hear the voice within, the one she had ignored for too long –  God’s whisper that said, ‘Peace isn’t found in people; it’s found in boundaries.’

She began to understand that boundaries are not barriers; they are walls with doors and windows designed to open and close at her choosing. The right people would knock, wait, and be welcomed in. The wrong ones would rattle the handle and eventually leave.

Her openness had once been her pride, her proof of strength. Now she saw it for what it was — a wound disguised as warmth. She had been afraid that saying no made her selfish, afraid that creating distance made her cold. However, the truth was simpler: she had been afraid of being misunderstood. So she allowed too many people to take up residence in her peace.

It’s funny how clarity comes quietly. There was no breakdown, no grand epiphany — just a morning like any other, sunlight slipping through the curtains, and a sudden knowing: ‘I don’t have to explain my boundaries to anyone.’

From that day, she practised graceful detachment — not as punishment, but as self-respect. She learned to love people without losing herself in them. She stopped answering calls that drained her. She stopped engaging in conversations that didn’t align with her spirit. She stopped apologising for choosing silence over noise.

She found that letting go wasn’t about cutting people off; instead, it was about releasing the grip of what no longer fit. It wasn’t about coldness; it was about calibration — adjusting the temperature of her openness to match her peace.

There is an art to letting go. It’s not angry, it’s not loud — it’s steady. It’s the slow exhale after years of holding your breath. It’s choosing truth over familiarity, discernment over guilt.

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She began to see that ‘me first’ is not selfish — it’s sacred, and when you refill your own cup, you pour more cleanly into others.

Perhaps this is the #Unshakable truth:

Graceful detachment is not cruelty. It’s clarity.

Boundaries are not walls; they are wisdom.

Letting go is not giving up; it is growing up.

The woman who finally learns to walk her truth, even to the exclusion of everyone else, is not selfish.

She is free.

‘See’ you next week.

 

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IG Handle: @unshakable.is.a.state.of.mind