Did I regret my actions? No. Was I happy about what I did? Maybe a little. Was my decision fulfilling? Oh yes, very much so. The confusion and pain I saw on his face when he discovered us felt fulfilling. I could say that moment relieved me of the pain he made me go through. But did that joy last as long as I wanted it to? No.

That night, I found myself asking the question, “What next?” What next after dating someone I never loved to get back at Victor? What next after agreeing to have an affair with Victor’s best friend to prove that he was the problem, not me? What next after choosing Chris to regain the self-esteem that my relationship with Victor had emotionally damaged? What next after everything I did to feel better about myself and maybe escape reality?

The moment he caught us in bed, and I saw the pain in his eyes, the anger in me died down, and I realised the bitter truth: I wasn’t over him yet. I only did what I did because I was angry.

Before you judge me, Victor deserved everything I did to him — and maybe more. But somehow, I suddenly felt like I had punished myself, not him.

The portrait of an African envy and jealousy young woman. Emotional face. Avatar. Vector flat illustration

Victor and I started well. He wasn’t just someone I loved; I was obsessed and attached to him. Victor was my source of happiness. Oh, how much I loved everything about him: his smile, his voice, the way he walked, his aura, everything. I used to think the universe itself wrote our love story.

I remember our first kiss. It was perfect, electric, and unforgettable, just like I had imagined it in my head. As if that wasn’t enough, that night, we made love. The crazy part? We only agreed to kiss that night because I wanted to take things slow, but the moment I felt his lips on mine, I lost all control. Despite the pain, because it was my first time, I didn’t want him to stop. We would still laugh about how I kept begging him not to stop, no matter how much it hurt. There was a certain way he made me feel during intimacy, a level of ecstasy I never wanted to come down from. He would always say only he had the power to make me feel that way, and he was right.

We were perfect — or maybe I thought we were — until I caught him in bed with someone else. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I thought I was dreaming. Imagining Victor giving another woman the same pleasure he gave me was unbearable. And the worst part? I didn’t find out through texts or a friend; I saw it with my own eyes. I heard him moan the same way he did with me. I kept asking myself why he cheated. There was no argument between us. I gave him everything he wanted. I tried my best to be enough for him. It’s funny how we had a long conversation that morning, and he wouldn’t stop talking about how much he loved me. Why he cheated remained a mystery to me.

The betrayal shattered me. It crushed my self-esteem. I lost confidence in myself and started believing I was the problem. I was losing myself more every day until I decided I needed to do something before I disappeared completely. I needed to do something to make myself feel better. And that’s how Chris came into the picture. I knew he was Victor’s best friend, but I didn’t care. I never loved him, but I needed someone to help me escape my reality — or maybe someone to use for revenge.

Chris and I dated for a month before Victor found out. He came to my place to apologise but caught me in bed with Chris that day. I thought I would feel happy and fulfilled, thinking I’d finally gotten my revenge. But instead, I felt sad. That moment made me realise I still loved Victor but couldn’t unsee what I saw him do.

Now that I had satisfied my need for revenge, I was left unsure about the future. I doubted things would ever go back to normal. I doubted Victor would ever come back, not after what he saw. But deep down, I knew I was still ready to accept him if he apologised.

The problem was, I wasn’t sure he ever would.

Dorcas Akintoye
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Dorcas Akintoye is a versatile writer with a passion for beauty, fashion, relationships, and culinary delight. With a keen eye for detail and a passion for storytelling, she adds a touch of elegance to every topic she explores. She is a writer at THEWILL DOWNTOWN.