You know the score by now. I won’t bore you with an intro about how we are on a quest to uncover #Unshakable truths hidden in the alphabet.

Today’s focus is the letter P. P is for perception. There’s this curious quirk in my family: a pattern of shared birthdays.

Husband and wife, siblings, and in-laws often find their special days miraculously intertwined.

It’s either an extraordinary coincidence, or we’ve unwittingly struck a deal with angel numbers and the universe. Who knows? But I digress.

This year, my siblings and I poured significant effort into planning our cousin’s son’s milestone birthday.

Coincidentally, it was also her husband’s milestone birthday. My cousin, brimming with excitement, had arranged a lavish celebration. Vendors booked, bespoke invitations sent, and a generous supply of bubbly ensured the day would be unforgettable.

A few weeks before the party, she invited me for coffee at Twirling Spoon.

(Side note: they serve edible coffee; you must try it.) After the pleasantries, she confided something unexpected.

Her mother in-law had recently hosted a family dinner and dropped a bombshell: after forty years of bitter estrangement, her ex-husband had proposed reconciliation.

He wanted to spend their remaining years together.

Now, this was no ordinary divorce. He’d been a stingy philanderer, a man perpetually chasing shades of happiness at the far end of the rainbow. She, steadfast and practical, was a single shade of grey — steady but never vibrant enough for his restless soul. The split had been acrimonious, to say the least. Yet, despite the pain and decades of hostility, she agreed to his proposal.

Why? The reasons were layered. She didn’t want to die alone. The stigma of being a divorced Nigerian woman (a whole long ass story for another day) had weighed heavily on her, and she had spent years feeling undesirable.

With six children in tow, she’d never found anyone willing to embrace her and her ‘baggage.’ She yearned for companionship, even if it was just the occasional kind word or a comforting hug. The possibility of inheriting his considerable estate likely sweetened the deal, though it was hardly her primary motivator. At 88, she was looking for solace, not strategy.

The church, however, added an ironic twist. The only available wedding date happened to coincide with the double milestone birthday party. My cousin, already juggling a mountain of logistics, pleaded with her mother-in-law to choose another date. But the elderly bride-to-be refused to wait another six weeks. She’d waited forty years; she wasn’t waiting another month.

The fallout was messy. My cousin, in a bold act of defiance, boycotted the wedding. Opinions were split within the family—half deemed her decision selfish, while the other half applauded her for standing her ground. Her husband served as his father’s best man, and her mother acted as matron of honour. The rift between my cousin and her mother remains unhealed.

That fateful date would forever be known as two birthdays and a wedding anniversary. Except it didn’t stop there. Two weeks later, the groom passed away. And here’s the kicker: he died intestate, having left his entire estate to the neighbour’s cat in a fit of rage after a family dispute. The argument had centred around demands for him to provide proper financial security for his wife upon divorce. He had never updated the only signed copy of his will. Predictably, chaos ensued.

The situation is, in many ways, a Rorschach test for perception. Different family members and friends offered wildly varying interpretations. Some found the entire saga laughable—a dark comedy of errors. Others were disheartened by the mother-in law’s decision to reconcile, viewing it as an act of desperation rather than empowerment. A romantic minority felt the story carried a tragic charm, marred only by the neighbour’s cat’s unexpected windfall. And of course, some believed the drama could have been avoided if the wedding date had been rescheduled—though, given his passing, even that solution feels bittersweet.

The story highlights how our perceptions are shaped by individuality, cultural norms, and societal expectations. Was her decision an #Unshakable testament to resilience and hope, or a misguided pursuit of closure? Was my cousin’s rebellion an act of justified self-respect, or a missed opportunity to honour an elder’s happiness? The answers depend entirely on your perspective.

Life rarely offers neat resolutions. Instead, it presents us with a kaleidoscope of choices, each refracted through the lens of our unique experiences. So, what’s your perspective? How do you see this tangled web of milestones, reconciliations, and legacies? Perhaps the only #Unshakable truth here is that perception is, indeed, everything.

‘See’ you next week.

Sally Chiwuzie
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IG Handle: @unshakable.is.a.state.of.mind